Tonight is dinner with Blaine and co. Chapters called to see if I could come in tonight and if I didn't want to see *a movie so badly tonight, I might've said yes. It would've gotten me out of dinner.

Oh well, I'll suck it up [that's what SHE said] and go to dinner. Meghan is my emergency call at 8 p.m. and if I'm not dead from the amount of dairy I've consumed today, I'll go have mini-hangs with her.

It's two weeks to Christmas day! Do you know what your presents are?





*Twilight. Again. Oh my God, that movie is never not funny.

I love the whole world...

I finished reading The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis. It kind of made me want to be a giant cokehead in the eighties. And then I remembered that I was four when the eighties ended. That would've just been in bad taste. Coke before the age of six is totally unacceptable. 

Lately, I've been watching some YouTube and I'm in love with the Discovery Channel commercial. I managed to download the song, which was pretty cool. I'm currently downloading the Stephanie Meyer book Twilight. I've read it and seen it, but I always like listening to books on tape when I'm on the C-Train. Unless I'm reading a book, which I've been doing a lot more lately. I finally bought and read The Bro Code and it is my goal to be a Wing Woman to all of my bros. 

If a girl sets you up with her hot friend, she has Wing Woman potential. If she sets you up with other hot friends after you slept with the first one and didn't call her back, she's a bona fide Wing Woman. Since I have morals that are as loose as Belle Watling, that shouldn't be a problem for me.

I got all of my Christmas wrapping/addressing done. All that's left now is to take a few items to the post office and mail them off. 

Today at church was weird. It's the first time I've been there in probably a month. That's what going out and partying every weekend will do to you. Well, it's also the first time I've had a chance to debut Melinda 2.0 there and it resulted in some very odd attention from some very odd boys. Note, odd doesn't mean ugly, it apparently just means boys who are shallow as balls. I think I have some sort of dinner date on Thursday. 

Blaine was the most amusing. I was avoiding another boy by calling Meghan in the hall and he started walking over with purpose, so I got off the phone with Meghan thinking he had something important to say. He just said "Melinda, I haven't seen you in fifteen or twenty years." Which would mean the last time he saw me was when I was about eight years old. I've seen him since then, it's hard not to when you go to the same church. Anyway, he just kept looking at me and saying "Wow, you've grown up." And then later he was like "So, what are you doing on Wednesday night?" "I work that night." "Oh, what about Thursday?" "Um, I don't think anything." "Would you like to come over to dinner at my place?" So. Thursday Night Girls Club will have a lot to talk about over espresso and water. In order, I got chatted up by: Blaine, Steve, Blaine, Richard, Blaine, Andrew, Blaine, Scott, Blaine, and Blaine. I'm sensing some sort of pattern there. I was only there for an hour!

I think it's time for bed for me, so...

I haven't tried it but I think I've quite decided I will wake you when you're dead.

Man I miss Piebald. Travis Shettel's half hour of power, anyone? Okay, less half-hour more ten minutes, but whatever. They only had a forty minute set and when you spend most of it shittalking your guitarist for getting kicked out of Herbrew school, there's only so long you have for your solo songs.

I had an awesome night at Chapters last night. A woman came in looking for Breaking Dawn and I probably talked with her for half an hour about what we consider to be classic children's literature. We talked about Bridge to Terebithia and how we thought it translated well to the big-screen and about The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy and how it made me want to vomit with rage at how much they effed that one up.

Then to congratulate myself I bought the graphic novel adaptations of Neverwhere, Stardust, a new novel called Is/Was, and One More Day. I don't really know how I feel about Tuesdays With Morrie, because I remember a joke about it on Family Guy.

"Do you like my ass?"
"Yes."
"Do you like cake?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to eat cake off my ass?"
"Yes."

Sometimes my brain does cutaways.

I wasn't all that pleasant to be around yesterday during the day because some person decided to pawn work off onto me. What I did usually takes him/her all day, and I definitely had it done in about an hour. I'm pretty excited for the next time he/she asks me to do his/her work for him/her. Mitchell told me exactly what to say to him/her and it's going to be priceless to see the look on his/her face. Gosh, the pronoun game is fun.

Chapters in general is really fun, even though I'm buying books like they're going out of style. Lately, I've been thinking more and more about something a friend said, which was that they wanted to have the kind of book collection that if they were ever forced to flee the country, it would be their books they took with them. I think I'm getting there. I'm also debating how to organize my books. I've started shelving them with the spines at the edge of the shelves so the disparity of size matters less. I found out there are people who are just as anal about that as I am. There are also people who are anal about the movie tie-in editions and mass-market paperback editions. Finally, I don't feel like an anal-retentive bastard about wanting certain books.



I don't feel like a bad person now for wanting that ^^^ instead of this:



The top one is trade-paperback and the bottom one is mass-market. No big plans this weekend other than to curl up with my laptop and a cup of tea. And now, I do work.

I just got invited to Wingo. Wings+Bingo=Awesome Tuesday Night? Maybe, maybe. Except that I only eat wings in certain company because they're so messy and the last time I played Bingo, I was too drunk for real life.

Oh well, it's a Tuesday. Hey Lush, have fun.

Mitchell likes the hair, Meghan likes the hair, I like the hair. Everyone seems to like the hair, so I think I'll make it my signature. Like Lucille Ball's lips.

Meghan and I are going to see Twilight again. Yes, we're ridiculous, but seriously. I don't think we've ever had so much fun watching a movie! Maybe this time we'll bring booze in and play the drinking game. Seriously, that vomit face? Never not good. Also, I definitely just told her: I'll get the tickets, you get the failbucks?

The back of my hand is itchy. When your palm is itchy, it means you're going to get money. I think the back of my hand is itchy because I want to spend money. I'm done my Christmas shopping so that just means shopping for myself. Oh! I got a free subscription to Nylon, which is fun. I didn't think I would because normally those offers don't extend to Canada, but this one did and it was awesome to come home last night and find the new issue in my mailbox, just waiting for me.

If I don't go to Wingo tonight, it's laundry and cleaning, something I've totally neglected in the past few weeks. Oh well, c'est la vie. Maybe just one round.

Apparently I'm giving Dolly Parton hair a try these days. It's getting long and while it's fun, it's a pain to style. So have some pictures from when I was "too pretty for Chapters."

Me at the start of the night.

Me at the end of the night.

I ended up going to see Twilight again. I don't regret it, Jasper is a total hottie, Emmett is a total dork, and Edward is a total tool. It goes without saying that I would have sex with each and every single one of those characters. 

So far tonight, I've had two drunk dials, a drunk text, and concert call. I had another two drunk dials last night. I'm pretty sure that makes tonight made of win. That's not even counting the amount of Starbucks consumed and the books I bought.

"Money. Sex. Money. Money. Sex. Money. Cats."

Fuck, some people are twats.

Meghan, I'll tell you who tomorrow when we're having hangs, because what else do we do with our lives? Also, I have some of that faily eyelash glue still stuck to my eyelashes. That's just not fair.

Last night, pre-Twilight, post-ogling my hot-ass manager, Meghan and I came to the conclusion that we're roommates that live in different houses. For example. I will wander over to her place and go in and curl up on her bed while waiting for her to finish getting ready so we can go out and do the same thing we always do [Starbucks, smoke our faces off, and talk about Monoply/Life: The FBR edition]. Or we will go to Chapters and it's not even in question if she can use my employee discount. Basically, it rules.

I think I'm pretty much done with Facebook. It just annoys me now.

The plan this weekend is to be at home for as much of it as possible and rip the last of my CDs, get my paperwork all filed, and be ready for winter. I bought a turtleneck today and it itches like Gabe's crotch. But it looks cute, unlike Gabe's crotch, so I'm keeping it.

I work tonight and I'm so excited, now when they page a cashier to cash, I can actually answer the page.

This weekend:

• Laundry
• Put away CDs
• Finish The Rules of Attraction
• Clean room from top to bottom
• Clean bathroom
• Go through closet
• Put up TC prints, my walls are too bare
• Get my haircut? Maybe?

I also don't really know how I feel about this because, wow, I've wanted that forever. But. Wow. I don't want to think about that because that'll get my hopes up. I think what I'll just say is that I hope things work out for the best for everyone.

Ah ha. Internet, trying to trip me up from telling my offensive jokes. Yeah, right.

Q. How do you tell if a native woman is menstruating?

A. She's only wearing one sock.

Q: What do you get if you put 50 lesbians and 50 natives in one room?

A: 100 people who don't do dick.

Q: How do you tell if an East Indian woman is pregnant?

A: The red dot on her forehead turns blue.

Q: Why do they call native men braves?

A: Have you seen the women they have to fuck?

Did you hear about the east indian man who put odor eaters in his shoes? He disappeared.

Q: How do you tell if a lesbian built a house?

A: There's no studs, it's all tongue in groove.

If a Hudderite couple gets divorced, are they still brother and sister?

I'm not sure if I remember any more of the jokes that Paul* told us. But he used to be a stand-up comedian. Blame him if you're offended, not me.

But when I heard the word "Brave", I definitely wanted to watch Ernest Goes To Camp. Who doesn't love that shit? Definitely me. I'm going to proudly watch Ernest Goes To Camp and think about really offensive things until I go to sleep. 

Good Night Calgary, and Good Night Adam, my friend for 5 Years. We don't need the theatre, because we have a long-ass friendship and siblinghood that isn't dependent on blood/legal relations.

A is for the way you look at me.

D is for the only one I see.

A is very, very extra-ordinary.

M is even more than anyone that you adore and love. 

Oh, wait, that's not ADAM, that's LOVE. Oh well, jugs of triples do that to you. At least I'm mostly coherent in this drunk post. Hearts and stars and kisses and love.

And she never lost her head, even when she was giving head.

Hey Babe, take a walk on the wild side.

I'm officially done my Christmas shopping. I just submitted the last online order for delivery in 6 - 8 weeks. I'm feeling good about it.

Oh, I can't stand the hype. But I can get behind best friends bringing boxes. Especially when those boxes are full of the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree I so desperately wanted. Mitchell is kind of awesome like that.

I didn't get as much done as I wanted to this week and it's partly my fault, partly life's.

I just found out my boss is out of town all next week! Hurray! I can actually get things done when I'm not chained to my desk doing to most ridiculous shit ever for her. Oh, apparently three of my bosses are gone next week. I just might have to take a sick day and enjoy the beautiful fall. Or the freezing cold. It'll probably be Thursday so Meghan and I can secure our spots early for Twilight. Yes, I'm a loser. Yes, I'm totally okay with it.

Work tonight at Chapters and possibly reading more of The Rules of Attraction. How fast can you powerhouse a coffee? I'll stick with green tea tonight and see if that makes the night go by just as fast. I'm actually crazily proud of myself. I've sold 3 of these really expensive box sets at work and it's kind of awesome.

I'm missing Vancouver like mad right now. Last year, I was in the same mood for the same reason. Maybe one day I'll get to go and not come back. You can't understand the discontent with Calgary until you've left and had to come back.

I know, I know. I want! I'm pretty much in love with two things on the Urban Outfitters site.



and



Yeah, I'm actually super lame and no one is surprised. Things like this make me wish I lived in Edmonton or Vancouver, because then I could buy them and my life would be complete. Let's be honest, that Charlie Brown tree? More room for presents!

So, Chapters is going well. I'm secretly kind of in love with books. I keep doing re-shelve or tasking and finding books that I'm like "Hm, I want to read this." But I'm being very careful about not buying everything I see or I'd definitely need to buy a new bookshelf right away.

I already need a new bookshelf. As soon as I move out, I'll probably look into getting this:



because it can handle LPs and oversized books. I'll likely get it in black, though. I might grab a storage basket or two for the miscellaneous 45s and headphones and cords and whatnot that I have.

I'm finally getting a physical copy of Howl
This week is going to be a little more relaxed than last week. In no particular order, I must:

• Change my car's oil
• Get a quote on repairing the driver's side door of my car
• Take wire CD rack to Meghan
• Rip some more CDs to my laptop
• Pick up the last of my Christmas shopping: 1 physical gift card, 3 online orders of gift cards, and 1 gift for the boy who has everything except me.
• Get a hair cut
• Wrap Christmas gifts
• Write 3000 words
• Obtain a copy of How I Met Your Mother Season 1/2

I might also buy The Bro Code, because that shit is awesome. For example:

A bro's mom is off-limits at all times, unless she's a step-mother, she initiates it and is wearing leopard print.

You really can't make that up, can you?

My blackberry is dying a slow painful death. Unavailable on it until further notice. :(